Chapter 3 -- The first kiss.

The first kiss.

You know that moment when you kiss someone and the world around you stops? That’s the moment I had when E and I kissed. It scared me more than anything else. There I was, falling for this amazing guy who wasn’t even available. Throughout the year that we had been talking and getting to know each other he and C got rockier and rockier. I knew in the back of my mind that I should run, I had known that all along, but something wasn’t letting me. I was so drawn to E. In ways I couldn’t explain. Maybe it was the chase, the never knowing, and the romantic notion of it all. I don’t know what it was; I just knew I was falling.

Towards the end of that year of ups and downs he and C finally ended things. She had found out about me and I had become tired of waiting. So many times I threatened to walk away and to leave everything we had built – and so many times I was pulled back in. Right or wrong; all I wanted was to be with him. But sometimes, even all the want in the world can’t make things happen.

Yes, they broke up. But then they got back together a week later. I was done. I (foolishly) had invested so much of my time, energy, and heart into someone I thought wanted me too. In those final days of that year, I was broken. He and I had become the best of friends, soul mates really. And in a snap decision, he lost it all.

I can still remember that weekend vividly even though it was so many years ago. He had hesitantly told me that he and C had gotten back together. {Remember that theory? It still holds true, at this point they weren’t happy at all. They were going through the motions because that’s what they had done for so long. They were that comfortable, misery relationship that they didn’t know how to survive without – good or bad.} I didn’t speak to him for a while. I had to think of my words carefully. Whatever I was going to say had to be meaningful.

Once I got over my initial shock and decided what I wanted to say, I explained to him that that was it. We weren’t to speak anymore. He had made his choice and I couldn’t continue down this road any longer. I couldn’t allow him to have his cake and eat it too. It was destroying everything I had once believed to be so special. I was hurt, but we were through. The friendship, the hopes of a relationship, the connection – over. We cried. But I wasn’t going to do it anymore.

Cut to 2 weeks later – E and I still hadn’t spoke. I was serious about it being over; I had been through too much by this point to just let it slide. So you can imagine my surprise when I receive a phone call from him. He tells me they broke up again, for good he claims. He asks if we can make amends, if we can fix things, so I simply say to him that if he means what he’s saying, if he wants to fix things with me – he will come see me for the weekend. (He went to CSCC and I went to BG, so he a nice 2 hour drive) I then hung up the phone and had no idea what to prepare for. Would he bitch out like he had so many times before? Would he man up and decide that it was me he wanted to be with?

Three hours later I get a phone call and he tells me to come downstairs to the lobby – there he was with lilies (my favorite). And in that moment I knew how much he cared about me. I knew how much he wanted to be with me, I knew he conquered his fear of the unknown to take a chance on me. It meant the world, and in all honesty - that romantic gesture still warms my heart today; makes me believe in love despite the bullshit.

On that rainy, spring day a new relationship bloomed (cheesy, right?). We went from being J and E, two kids getting themselves in way too deep – to being J and E, period.

{Theory #2 – what’s meant to be, will always find a way in the end. I do believe that, I believe that it won’t be an easy ride. That there will be moments when it seems more like work than anything, but with love and persistence anything is possible. If it lies within your destiny, you’ll get it. As long as you’re willing to fight like hell.}

Did you finish your bottle of wine? ;) Go get another. This is only the beginning…

Have a good one, dolls!

Love always.

Who is JacMarie?

I got the idea for this from my dear friend Mandi at Designs by Mandi. Every Monday she is going to introduce a little something about herself in her blog post. And I thought... HEY! Why not do that over here too... A lot of you may know plenty about me, maybe more than you wish you knew, but there may be some of you thinking... "Who exactly is this crazy girl that blogs about everything?!" So... just for you lovelies... I'm going to give a little introduction... in the way of answering one extremely thought provoking survey {I really just wanted you all to feel like you are reading MySpace again. Do people still use that??}

1. What time did you get up this morning?

8am...which will never fail to seem early to me {i know, many of you get up far earlier than that... but still... my internal clock likes 9. we are both happy there.}

2. Diamonds or pearls?
both. but they serve very different purposes... pearls if you want to look refined and classy. diamonds if you want to look sexy and classy... love.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Country Strong - for the 2nd time. it. is. so. good.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
One Tree Hill. General Hospital. Vampire Diaries. Pretty Little Liars.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
coffee. tea. fruit. cereal. something like that...

6. What is your middle name?
marie. {hence, the jacMARIE}

7. What food do you dislike?
ummm...tuna. pickles. condiments... things that smell gross.

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
old school A Fine Frenzy

9. What kind of car do you drive?
a maroon one.

10. Favorite sandwich?
one of the breakfast variety... which is very odd seeing as how i didn't find a love for eggs until like 6 months ago.

11. What characteristics do you despise?
lying.

12. Favorite item of clothing?
dresses. leggings. hoodies. who am i kidding, i love it all.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world, on vacation,
where would you go?
paris. italy.

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
anything thats cute honestly. i'm not a brand whore anymore! {yay for growing up!}

15. Where would you retire to?
on the coast of the Carolinas.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
they're all very memorable. i have amazing friends who tolerate my obnoxious need to celebrate my birthday for the entire month of May.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
um, none. sorry kids, just not a sports fan. i'll sit and "watch" it...which means i'll pretend i'm watching it but more than likely i have entered lala land.

18. When is your birthday?
may 19. do. not. forget. it.

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
night. i'm not so chatty in the morning.

20. What is your shoe size?
6.5ish {i say ish because i have been known to squeeze into a size 5.5 or get a size 7 if my shoe needs see fit. what?! fashion knows no pain...}

21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
i have been very busy filling custom orders for infinity scarves, yoga bags, duvet covers, pillows, etc {yayyyyy!!!}

22. What did you want to be when you were little?
a singer... {why did we all want to be singers when we were little?? } however, after i quickly learned that i can't carry a tune in a bucket... i went with my second love, fashion. i have always been interested in it.

23. What is your favorite candy?
hmm.. orange slices {with a side of Malibu, please} or swedish fish.

24. What is your favorite flower?
lilies. orchids. i. hate. roses.

25. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
hm... may 19. duh. we have been over this... a million times.

26. What are you listening to right now?
the fan...

27. What was the last thing you ate?
cookie. yumm.

28. Do you wish on stars?
i'm a dreamer... it comes with the territory.

29. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
hot pink.

30. How is the weather right now?
perfect. right now it's blowin in a storm. love that.

31. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
mi madre.

32. Favorite soft drink?
jack and root beer... wait, does that count?

33. Favorite restaurant?
oh man, so many. right now i'm loving press grille and bravo!

34. Hair color?
blonde...and i love it.

35. What was your favorite toy as a child?
barbies... if it was acceptable i'd still play with them. this is no lie.

36. Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla, please.

37. Coffee or Tea?
again, both.

38. The last time you cried?
last weekend during country strong... yes, it's that good.

39. What is under your bed?
clothes. clothes. more clothes.

40. What did you do last night?
girls night with my love, amy. and super in depth long chat with my other lovie {and roomie} missy. {yayyy for fab girlies in my life!}

41. What are you afraid of?
failure. heights. spiders.

42. Salty or Sweet?
sweet. of course.

43. How many keys on your key ring?
a lot.

50. Favorite day of the week?
um... saturday?

51. How many towns have you lived in?
three.

well, if you suffered through that i do hope it entertained you a little bit, kids!

happy thursday... it's beautiful out today! {at least in ohio!}

love always.

0 is not a size.

a couple fabulous twitter ladies and i were mildly discussing body image the other day and it made me think of an episode of one tree hill {my favorite show - ever. but that's not the point} where during a fashion show Brooke{who is a designer} has a model walk down the runway sporting a t-shirt saying "0 is not a size."

i think this is an very extremely important message to convey these days. as woman{and men} we struggle daily with our bodies. does my tummy stick out a little further today? are my thighs touching? does my face look fat? these are all questions that we ask ourselves and our friends more often than not. we are all guilty of striving for some form of perfection... whatever that form may be. but why? why can't we be happy in our bodies? why is it that every morning i wake up and think "i must workout. i must watch what i eat." we have to stop and ask ourselves why we all feel so compelled to reach a scary form of perfection...

it's hard. believe me, i know. i'm guilty of all of these things more than anyone... but i think we need to strive to be confident in our own skin. instead of being skinny we need to shoot for "healthy"... we need not starve ourselves, workout to the point of exhaustion, go on crazy crash diets, take far too many laxatives or diuretics... if we want a cookie, eat it. {just not 10 of them} if you don't feel like working out for a day or two, don't. {you will survive.}

yea, it's all much easier said than done, i know that all too well. but i think it's a goal we need to give ourselves... to just learn to accept our bodies, to love the curves, to embrace our strength, to want to be the healthiest{not the tiniest} and best version of ourselves. we need to smile more - because that's what really counts. smiling, health, happiness. not the size of jeans we wear.

body image issues are very serious.

10 million females and 1 million males suffer from an eating disorder.

80% of women aren't happy with their bodies.

for females 15-24, anorexia is the main cause of death; 12x greater than all cancers.

{source}

those are some scary statistics. any of the women{or men} you see on a daily basis could be suffering from a body image issue. so maybe instead of being so critical of ourselves and everyone else's bodies we should channel that energy into helping each other feel better about ourselves. to feel more confident in our own skin. smiles help. compliments are nice. both... are even better.

that's my challenge to you... try for just one day to not be so obsessive about the way you look. sincerely compliment someone else. focus on being healthy{mind and body}. not on being a size 0.



{source}

will you accept this challenge? 

will you pass it on to urge others to stop obsessing at least for a day?

happy wednesday, lovelies.

love always.

Lack of passion is fatal.

I can't remember a day when I didn't have a passion for something. Namely, fashion. But mixed in with a combination of many other things. {All of which make me, me.}

I don't know, I just can't imagine not having that intense love for something, to not have that thing that you can always escape to when the outside world isn't dealing you favorable cards...

Put me at a sewing machine, styling someone, flipping through a fashion magazine, reading countless style blogs, designing... and I'm completely in my own world. And I love it there...

Do you have a passion? What is it?

Happy Tuesday, dolls!

Love always.

Windows open. Breeze blowing.

I'm sitting here with the windows open, the breeze blowing, listening to the Zac Brown Band {shush, don't judge me}, enjoying this beautiful 76 degree day, and I think it's safe to say that spring may finally be here. I know, I know... we are in Ohio, it could very well start snowing by morning {in which case I'm packing my suitcase and peacing out of this state} but... I'm going to be hopeful and say it's here to stay! {YAYY!! Doing a happy dance!!}

I'm so beyond ready for bonfires, dresses, sandals, dinners on the patio, talking walks, running outside, birthday season, MY birthday {feel free to begin thinking about my presents...hehe just playin'...kinda;)}, memorial day, the beginning of summer, windows open... you get the idea right? I'll stop now.

Ok, getting back to the point...I know I have been talking about spring fashion since well... last spring, probably. {if you haven't realized this yet, here is one fun fact about myself... I hate winter.} But I have really been inspired by all the color out this spring. It's giving me the "go spring clothes shopping itch" - have you ever gotten that? It's bad... real bad... So in order to soothe the itch I did a little cyber window shopping... and I'm dying for everything coral this season...

Here's a little peek of all my fun coral finds...

{also check out my friend Kori over at Blonde Episodes for her take on this fabulous spring color}

{ruche}

{anthropolgie}

I want to drink coffee out of this mug... I think it would just taste even better.

 {heatherberry}
I think I'd wear these every day.

{anthropogie}

{modcloth}

Are you swooning yet? I know I am. I seriously could have gone on and on about this beautiful hue, BUT... I didn't want to bore you to tears... or for you to get COD {coral over dose} and run out to the mall and buy anything and everything in this color... we have to save some for everyone... ;)

What's your favorite color this spring??

Have a fabulous Monday, loves. I do hope the weather is great whereever you are this week!

Love always.

Saturday morning.

As I'm lying in bed doing my usual check up on the world I came across Ruche's new designer. And I am dying!!!!! I want, need, love, have to have this dress/jacket combo.

I think I'd pair it with different shoes... I'm not completely sold on the socks and heels combo yet. Maybe a pair of neutral wedges and a rosette headband...

I have my dear friend's wedding to attend in a couple weeks and I think this may be the perfect ensemble!

What do you think?

Happy Saturday, lovelies!

Love always.

Chapter 2 -- 6 hour phone call.

6 hour phone call.

As you can imagine the thought of E having a girlfriend didn’t sit well with me. I was at a loss, I didn’t know how to handle the situation anymore. I was torn. One part of me knew that if we continued talking and getting to know each other I was on a dangerous (and also wrong) path to getting hurt or hurting someone else. The other part of me (the hopeless romantic with a strong belief in “movie” love part) thought that maybe he was the “one.” That there was a reason we met and connected the way we did.

So what did I do?

E and I continued to get to know each other. We talked everyday, he told me about his girlfriend - he never hid it from me. Which I respected to an extent, but I also knew at the same time that I was treading on thin ice. {As a side note - I do not condone the behavior of E and I. But as I have come to learn, none of us are perfect and there is no such thing as “perfect timing.” I have many other thoughts on this and situations similar - but you have to wait for those. Continue reading at your own risk.}

Anyhow, E and his girlfriend, C, weren’t doing too well (shocking, I know!). They had been having issues long before he and I ever met.

{Theory #1 - You don’t just happen to meet and become attracted to another person without reason. If you are married, dating, or in some sort of relationship and you meet someone else that you can’t stop thinking about - there’s a reason. And it’s not always the obvious one (sex). It’s that something is missing in your current relationship; whether it be a deep emotional connection, someone to be silly with, someone to enjoy the same activities as you, a spiritual connection, or even a sexual connection. Something is missing. And when you by chance meet someone who fulfills that missing piece - it’s hard to tear yourself away. Essentially, you want to have your cake and eat it too. You don’t want to leave the person you’re with because they’re so important to you, but this new person is so intriguing. It becomes complicated, and in all honesty, you can’t really judge the situation until you are placed in it. Until you know that feeling.}

E and I would spend hours upon hours on the phone each night. We quickly became best friends. We had an instant connection and it ran deep. I knew it was only a matter of time before it became that complicated situation that I was talking about - and it did. Quickly. After a few months of talking to him daily, I started to develop feelings for him. Yes, I should have ran right then and there. But I didn’t. Throughout the next 365 days, 12 months, 1 year we went through a lot of rocky moments. We fought, we laughed, we cried, we kissed (and that was the moment I knew).

“Knew what?” You ask… I guess you are just going to have to come back to find out. So if you haven’t judged me too harshly and are still interested in the story, check back. Pour another glass of wine. (I think I need one too!)

Have a good weekend kids!

Love always.